Cynthia Cravens Feels TERF Joy

A San Francisco Democrat talks about her grassroots run for state senate, her conversations with Uber drivers, and how to make terfing fun

Continuing our series Solid blue takes on sex, lies, and gender-woo, DIAG talked with Cynthia Cravens, co-founder of SF_TERF_CENTRAL and grassroots challenger of California’s most irksome state senator, Scott Weiner.

Photo by madison detwiler on Unsplash

Jocelyn Davis for DIAG: Tell me about SF_TERF_CENTRAL. Who are you, and what do you do?

Cynthia Cravens: SF_TERF_CENTRAL is a gathering of women in San Francisco. We meet socially, and privately, once a month. Julie [last name withheld], a San Francisco lesbian and lifelong Democrat, and I founded the group because we saw that women were not able to speak freely about gender ideology and its negative impacts. Our mission is to reduce women’s fear of speaking out, the costs of speaking out, and the risks associated with being sex-realist liberals. We provide a structure for women to meet up, discuss these issues, and build trust.

We vet all our members. Most are Democrats or former Democrats, about 40 percent are lesbians who are concerned about the loss of their communities, and about 10 percent are conservatives. The conservatives add spice to our meetings!

We also have a public-facing arm called Women Are Real, which was formed in the wake of the Dana Rivers trial. A group of women came together to attend the trial; there was hardly any coverage of it in the mainstream media, so they tried to get the word out.

DIAG: What was your personal “peaking” experience? What opened your eyes to the problems with genderism?

Cynthia: Before 2010, I was a job-search counselor at a social service nonprofit. I worked with a couple of trans-identified men, helping them find employment. That was my first exposure to trans individuals, and for the most part, it was fine; there was no animus.

One day I was attending a conference. I saw they were offering a panel about trans lives; I decided to go, thinking it would help me understand trans people’s experiences. As I listened to tales of harassment and abuse, suicide and murder, I was horrified. I felt terrible for them.

Then the panelists started to get into policy recommendations. I was expecting them to talk about trans suicide hotlines, or trans healthcare, or maybe better police investigation of crimes; you know, stuff that would actually help these poor people. But all they wanted to talk about was allowing men in women’s spaces. Nothing else!

It was as if I’d been listening to a beautiful, moving piece of music, and someone had taken a needle and scratched the record: Zzzt!  It was so jarring. I felt afraid, alienated, misunderstood, and most of all, shocked that this was their driving concern.

When it came time for the question period, I stood up and said, “I’m a woman who has experienced sexual harassment and abuse, and I would not be comfortable with these males in women’s spaces. I don’t think that’s the answer. Is there another approach?” My tone was respectful, and I thought I wasn’t being controversial—that these were perfectly normal things to be saying—but everyone turned to stare at me, and I saw a lot of angry faces and heard whispers of “transphobe.” I didn’t get what was going on.

After that experience, I started to study up on autogynephilia: reading books, scrolling Twitter, and watching online videos. And I was even more horrified, this time to realize the truth about these men and that the media weren’t talking about it.

DIAG: What has been most surprising, most rewarding, and most painful about running a left-leaning, sex-realist organization in Northern California?

Cynthia: Most surprising to me is our growth. When we first started, we recruited via our Twitter account and that was it. I did not expect us to grow this quickly. It all began with me, Julie, and two other women talking in a bar. Now, we have more than 130 members, which is pretty amazing and gratifying.

Most painful has been seeing other sex-realist groups fall apart due to internal conflict; for example, about whether to platform trans-identified men such as Phil Illy and Debbie Hayton. This type of in-fighting, in my opinion, poses a bigger threat than any disagreement with conservatives.

Most rewarding is seeing women who were completely silent and anonymous starting to find their voice, whether it’s speaking at hearings, organizing their own activism, writing letters, or joining groups. The more we can help women speak out and minimize the risk of speaking out, the better.

DIAG: You ran in this election cycle against state senator Scott Weiner, in the primary for California District 11. How did your gender-critical views play into that decision?

Cynthia: I was motivated entirely by gender issues. I wouldn’t have run otherwise. I wanted the world to know that the whole Democratic party isn’t captured by gender ideology.

I put two main messages in my campaign literature: 1) girls and women should be able to have their own sports; 2) secrets should not be kept from parents. At events, I would talk about SB 132 and other bills Scott Weiner had sponsored.

But I never expected to win. I mean, Weiner is one of the most powerful, well-funded politicians in California. The real battle was within myself: I knew gender issues weren’t at the top of most people’s list—things like homelessness and crime were—so, did I want to focus on something else and maybe have a better chance to win, or should I use the campaign to talk about sex-based rights and the scandal of gender medicine? I decided to stick with my original purpose, which was to bring these issues into the open. And I’m glad I did.

DIAG: What kind of messages and strategies have you found work best in attracting people to the cause?

Cynthia: Our main message is to speak up as much as you can. If you can’t speak at your job, speak to your friends and family. If you can’t speak to them, call your legislators. If you can’t do that, talk to your Uber driver, or people on the street—every day, talk to somebody. Set yourself goals: “Each week, I’m going to talk to five people.”

DIAG: Some of us are nervous even to do that! How do you broach the topic?

Cynthia: You can just ask them a question: “What do you think about males identifying into women’s sport?” Or “I saw this story online about kids getting puberty blockers, and it confused me. Have you heard about this? What do you think?” You’re providing them with room to talk, letting them know it’s OK to express these ideas. You’re normalizing the conversation.

Once, after attending an ICONS meeting, I was taking an Uber back to the airport. I told the driver I’d been to this great conference. Turns out he had been a DEI consultant, so he had opinions on some of the issues. Still, I was able to talk to him about it in a nonconfrontational way.

DIAG: What do you see as the biggest barriers to liberals realizing the harms of gender ideology?

Cynthia: First, it targets children, which means parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts are afraid to speak for fear they will lose a beloved relation.

Second, the mainstream media has been almost completely captured by trans activists. Take the Dana Rivers trial: only People and Mercury News covered it. The San Francisco Chronicle didn’t.

A group of us were protesting outside a Judith Butler talk. We engaged with the people who had come to hear her; many of them were lesbians. When we mentioned Dana Rivers, calling him “he,” the first thing people said was, “You’re misgendering her!” It blew my mind … like, that’s what you think is the most important issue here? Calling this person, this murderer, with whom none of us has any contact, by the wrong pronoun? We also asked them about male rapists in women’s prisons, and the responses were, “I’m in favor of abolishing prisons altogether,” or “The guards are raping, too.” At that point, I just have to say we’re on different planets. Then again, who knows; maybe we created a crack. Sometimes, talking directly about the flashpoint issues might work.

DIAG: What else do you do to spread the word?

Cynthia: Our public-facing group, Women Are Real, posts videos of women joyfully protesting. For example, after the Tickle v. Giggle decision, a bunch of us went to the Golden Gate Bridge. We had a drone with a camera, music, and signs like “More Giggle Less Tickle.” We were dancing, laughing. That type of messaging, which is not about fear, is helpful.

What we’re fighting is so ridiculous. Having fun has to be part of the fight.

A lot of us are over 50; we may not be cool, but we’re fun! We enjoy each other’s company, and we show it. We emphasize the joy. It’s much better than the fear and anger our adversaries put out there.

Also, what we’re fighting is so ridiculous. I mean, it’s pure idiotic lunacy. Having fun has to be part of the fight.

DIAG: What’s an aspect of this issue that gets overlooked?

Cynthia: Women’s health is being affected by the silencing. A lot of women feel isolated and alone. If you’re passionate about an issue and can’t speak about it, that’s going to be bad for your mental health. On the other hand, engaging in activism, feeling like you’re making a difference, can really help your mental health. So …

Don’t stay silent!

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